Love is blind. Though a good policy could be not to ignore the following red flags if you want a real relationship. Unless you seek to end with a broken heart, having invested so much of yourself in a dead-end.
Yes, you’re a couple. Particularly you. Because as for him…
He has not left his wife yet: he says he loves you, he will talk to her as soon as possible. The issue is the time never seems right, some event always gets in the way. Married men who leave their wife for their mistress are one in a zillion. You can always hope he is that one. Although, when they do, they usually don’t think much about it. It doesn’t take ages for them to make that decision. If it does, better move on…
You’ve never been to his place : you’re not even sure where he lives. At any rate, you don’t know his exact address. Every time you meet up, it is outside, at a bar, a restaurant, a party, at the very best at friends’. Clear enough he’s not that enthusiastic about having you in his personal space.
You know nothing about his past: whatever the question and how innocent it may be, his answer remains vague, if he answers at all. You barely know where he comes from, about his family and friends, nothing about his exes… Either he argues he’d rather not talk about it in such a way you would feel rude to insist, or he would give no clear straight answer.
He is not curious about your friends and family: he’s never available when it comes to meet them. Actually he couldn’t care less. So less that your friends and family are beginning to wonder if he really exists.
He sets dates only when it suits him: and at the less convenient times for you. You are the one who adapts her schedule to his. Instead of thinking hard about all his good reasons, better wonder about your place in his life. The room he manages to make for you in his agenda is usually equal to the room you take in his heart.
He’s not that interested in you: he asks no question. Would you talk about any particular event happening in your life, be it at work or wherever else, he doesn’t really pay attention, often soon forgets about it. If you insist, he looks somewhat bored and answers something like “it’s your life”, which, by the way, should be clear enough, to say the least.
You have no clear idea of his schedule: if you learn about any of his activities (without you), it is only by chance. This is how you find out he had a boys’ night out last Wednesday, or he took his Friday off to go on a hike. Clear enough he’d rather have some time without you and you don’t need to know about it.
When he answers the phone: he always steps away from you. Not that there is any other woman in the picture (I bet you’ve checked his cell), he’d just rather nobody know he is in a relationship with you. By the way, he never mentions your name, he would rather say “I’m busy, I can’t talk to you now, I shall call you back later”.
You never go out together: none of what you would suggest ever appeals to him. Movies? Not too much… Concert? No, thank you, you would have to book seats in advance. Restaurant? Oh, for God’s sake, he goes often enough for business! Clearly, he’s not keen on being seen with you. He didn’t even take you to his best friend’s wedding!
He has already organised his holidays without you: next Summer, he will go camping with his buddies. You? Heck, do whatever you like, you’re a big girl, after all!
And you thought you could both go to that nice hotel on the beach for a fortnight? Well, it looks very much you’ll have to go with your best girlfriend or… another man!