A French woman and personal life coach's outlook on self-confidence, communication, and relationships. How to gain and manage them to get what and who you deserve.

Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

Completely honest first date

A bit cynical, but… isn’t there a bit of truth in it ?

Your thoughts ?

Unsure what to say and do on a first date? Here is the solution

Going on a blind date tonight and scared you may find nothing interesting to say or not know what to do? Relax! Technology is there to help you turn the nightmare into a dream. ;)

Travel Conversacube from Lauren McCarthy on Vimeo.

Have we become so dependant on technology? Or so unable to properly communicate? What do you think?

4 types of men you’d better not meet

men gathering

The list could be endless, so I shall stick to the 4 more common and attractive for the time being.
If you meet and identify any of them, run away… Quick !

Here is a non-exhaustive list of those irresistible men you’d better never meet, even less date:

The hardened seducer : always alone, since he changes his girl like he changes his shirt: everyday. Usually tall, both charismatic and relaxed, he knows how to catch a woman. Like the skilled hunter he is, he charms his prey and let her come to him. Of course, once he had got what he wanted : you, he throws you away and move on to the next victim.

Why is he attractive?
Because he is handsome and sexy and he knows it. He is self-confident, knows the right words to make you melt. You can’t believe such a hotty can even be interested in you and crack! You are trapped.
Why is he dangerous?
He is a misogynist and a narcissist. In his eyes, all women are stupid, you included. More than a one night stand sounds like a commitment to him. If you try to keep him, he will only despise you more.

The tortured bad boy: your maternal instinct urges you to help this tortured soul heal its wounds. Unfortunately tortured soul often rhymes with drug, alcohol, and suicidal. Don’t overestimate your ability to color his dark glasses pink and run before you too slip into a depression.

Why is he attractive?
Often an artist of some kind, he knows how to make you dream of exotic adventures. He is a passionate who owns his very personal universe. You find him fascinating and spellbinding. That rebel with a tender heart can only make you melt. And bang!
Why is he dangerous?
If he’s a bad boy, there a reason for that. Difficult childhood, social problems, emotional instability are why he acts the way he does. If he’s bad for others, he is for you too.

The charming forever bachelor: unlike the seducer who charms every woman, he sticks to only one : you. Yet he keeps repeating he will end his life alone. Paradoxically, he can show thoughtfulness and consideration in public, turns into a selfish nasty misogynist in private though. To build a couple with such a man is “mission impossible”, since he’s convinced you belong neither to his present, nor to his future anyway.

Why is he attractive?
Because he knows how to charm you and does it every time it’s necessary, e.g. every time you put a distance or try to escape : sweet talk, candlelight dinners, etc… until you fall under his spell again. Once it’s done, he does all he can for you to leave him again.
Why is he dangerous?
His game exhausts you and eventually gets on your nerves. Plus to make you leave every time you come back, he will become more and more despising, unpleasant and even insulting to the point you will end completely lost and broken.

The go-getter: pretentious and vain, his sole purpose in life is to climb up the social scale at all cost and by any means. He will let nobody, not even you, go against his will.
His clothes are all from expensive labels. Brands and show off is how he evaluates everything, you included.

Why is he attractive?
Because his grit and ambition show a strong personality. You may feel protected. Furthermore social rise also means money. Beware though, the go-getter is often stingy. If you dream of luxury items, better be able to afford them yourself.
Why is he dangerous?
Because he’s the most selfish. His only interest is himself. He wants so much to succeed he spends his days and nights working or at least pretending he does. Actually, he often pretends more than he does. He’s very skilled at expanding his social network though, the one which can help him get even higher on the scale. If you’ve got different values, better forget him. Good thing, that’s exactly the idea. :D

Why can those “wrong” men subjugate women so easily? Simply because women want it.
They can usually tell from the beginning something is not quite right with those men, they’d rather ignore patent red flags though. Not always easy to turn a wrong man down when he’s handsome and charming!
On top, since it is always more comfortable and easier to get back to what one already knows, they seldom fail to make the same mistake twice.

Those men usually perfectly master the art of seduction, sweet talk and romance. And, even though they would even sometimes afford to warn them, most women wouldn’t listen. They’d rather believe he can change and, with their help, he will eventually reveal his true nature : everything but what they know he actually is, of course!

Can you think of any other types of men you’d better not meet? And why?

He doesn’t call after a date: what does it mean and what to do?

wating for call

Nothing more convincing, in my opinion, than an honest, since anonymous, answer from the concerned party. So I posted a little survey on the topic a few days ago.
Please check:
https://relationshiptranslator.wordpress.com/2011/02/04/to-all-the-men-out-there/
to see the results.
I guess they speak loud enough, don’t they ?

When men don’t call back after a date, 62.5% of the time, it is simply because they’re not into you. Period.
You may think the date went great, you may like him very much and entertain the romantic thought he reciprocates, the truth is, this time, he doesn’t.

It doesn’t mean he didn’t enjoy that time with you at all, just not enough to feel like going further.
Many possible reasons to that, among the most common, in no particular order :
– his fear of involvement
– he was just looking for a good time and a pleasant evening
– he just wanted to test his power of seduction
– you’re not his type
– he was only physically attracted to you
– you may have talked a bit too much about your ex and he felt he already had a rival in the place
– he wants to keep it casual and fears you may take it too seriously

At any rate, he’s not ready for a relationship and particularly not a relationship with you.

Of course, as women, since we like to communicate, we would appreciate to clearly know where we stand. Unfortunately, very few men function this way. They seldom bother with women they’re not interested in. Whilst a few would be polite enough to let you know they’d rather stop here or what they exactly seek, the majority wouldn’t. Yes, it is rude, better face that reality though.

No, he didn’t get hit by a truck. The chances he’s at the hospital, his old mother has just passed away or his cell phone has broken down just now are close to nought.

Yet remain the 12.5% who don’t call back for fear of rejection. About one out of 10, not the most common. So, please, don’t jump to the conclusion it is often the case.
Maybe you weren’t clear enough, didn’t show your interest enough and didn’t let the green light flash enough ? At any rate, he’s not quite sure of what you feel. He’s hesitating and will not call right away. He doesn’t want you to believe he’s into you (although he may be). Because while you’re already mentally planning the next dream date, he is there wondering what to do not to look hooked or too easy.

So what to do if he doesn’t call ?

Here is an excerpt from one of the men’s comment on my poll:
“if your date doesn’t call you back in two or more days, that means something went wrong (even if you thought that was an amazing one). So just an idea for all the ladies, it would be to set up a “deadline”. Let say “three days max”. If your date hasn’t called you back in that period of time, it means he’s not interested in you at all (whatever the reason he could/would/should think, feel or argue).”

It sounds honest and clear enough, doesn’t it ?

Don’t sit next to your telephone, biting your nails. Live your life and don’t invest too much of yourself too soon.
As suggested in the comment, set a dead line and stick to it. If he hasn’t called you within 2 or 3 days, better forget about him. Because, even though he may not want to look too enthusiastic for strategic reasons, if he really likes you, he won’t let a month go by before he calls you back. He is usually aware of how risky it can be, particularly if he got smitten.

If it can help you move on and only if you feel it is truly necessary to your well-being, try to call him, within a week or so, under any excuse.
Although to call a man who didn’t call you back is seldom a good idea and may not teach you anything you didn’t already know, you’ll have made things clear enough and will have removed all doubt he is not worth it and not the one for you for any of the above mentioned reasons.

Then, move on ! Plenty of fish in the sea and if this one was not attracted to you or not right for you, many others will be. :)

To all the men out there…

You can give up to 3 answers. ;)

Why to be stunningly hot or ugly can be your best bet

Yet another proof, in my opinion, the better you have come to terms with yourself and can shamelessly flaunt it, the better outcome you will get. Your flaws are actually your assets. They make you stand out. The most successful women are those who stand out. You love them or you hate them, they leave nobody indifferent though. They won’t be ignored, therefore will get the most valuable messages and contacts from really interested men than the “just cute” ones.

The article below demonstrates, from objective data, that :
– the more men as groups disagree about a women’s look, the more they end up liking her.
– guys tend to ignore girls who are merely cute.
– and, in fact, having some men think she’s ugly actually works in woman’s favor.

Curious to know why and to catch a glimpse of how the man’s brain works sometimes? Read below… ;)

What the public criticizes in you, cultivate. It is you.” (Jean Cocteau)

“http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-mathematics-of-beauty/”

Your thoughts ? :)

Facebook: the future of on line dating?

find me on FB

I started online dating even before the era of the Internet. At the time, only a happy few could use it: the connection was expensive and it was not socially admitted yet. I’ve met a bunch of very interesting people this way, many friends, and my daughter’s father, most of them I’m still in touch with after decades. Because it was somehow a “private club”.

Then came the Internet, as we know it now. So I moved on to dating websites, the most famous at the time being Match.com which still exists, though it has changed a lot since. There again, although the access was free, I’ve met great people because not anybody would go on line to date. It took a while, a decade or so, for the majority to acknowledge it was a great new way to meet somebody and openly admit they tried it.

As online dating became more and more successful, websites went multiplying. More or less all similar. A few tried to stand out offering various features, soon copied by the others.
Nowadays you can find all types of websites, targeting all kinds of people (Christians, Black, Asians, So-called “selected” ones, etc…). Some, like E-Harmony for instance, even offer to help you go through the dating process.
Of course, the main ones would suggest you “matches”, based on your requirements and “so-called” personality and compatibility tests. How many did you meet who actually matched you though ? Not very surprising it doesn’t wonderfully work, since people are not machines and a computer, at least for the time being, can’t replace the human brain, even less understand feelings.

I don’t mean you can’t meet your significant other on dating websites. Thank God, it can work ! :D And fortunately so, for more and more ask you to pay for a membership, so I guess the very least you can expect is to meet potential matches, right ? :) Yet, more often than not, the return on investment is rather low, isn’t it ?

Nowadays, those sites have become so crowded that everybody, the best and the worst, is on there now. So you can’t even tell for sure whom you’re actually talking to. Scammers of all kinds, liars, pretenders, etc, etc… the list is endless.
And to contact those people, you would have to pay? Don’t expect the websites to do the cast out for you!
True that most scammers wouldn’t bother to become a member, although many do. They see it as an investment. But, even though, paying for a membership doesn’t protect you from all the others and there is certainly no guarantee of result.

On the other hand, four of my friends recently met on Facebook and are now married.
And, coming to think of it, I begun to realize Facebook (and other social media, but Facebook is the biggest) was actually a fantastic tool to date on line, although differently, using different codes and processes.
As for me, I’m convinced, although it has already started, it will become more and more popular among on line daters in the future.

So I thought of comparing the different “services” those sites offer versus what you can find on Facebook for instance. Which is the most effective ? Who can take advantage of moving on from dating on dedicated sites to Facebook. ? The pros and cons of each.

This is what I shall detail in another post. Stay tuned ! ;)