A French woman and personal life coach's outlook on self-confidence, communication, and relationships. How to gain and manage them to get what and who you deserve.

Posts tagged ‘communication’

Guys, we need your help!

Imagine you have a soft spot (or more) for one of your friends or any woman you know pretty well and share enough time and/or activities with. Women are intuitive and can often tell, or at least suspect it. Unfortunately, imagine she doesn’t reciprocate. Yet she wouldn’t want to lose you as a friend.

And, additionally :

Thank you very much for your contribution!
This question is often asked to me, so any comment from you is VERY welcome. :)

How to drive your woman crazy in 10 lessons

#1 Don’t listen Unfortunately, she will soon realize she’s talking to a wall when your answer will not match what she says. “I’ve slept with your best friend”. “That’s perfect, honey” is not the expected answer.

What you can say:
“Sorry, darling, I was lost in my thoughts. What were you saying, please?” to show your lack of attention was not at all intentional. :b
What you should do:
LISTEN. If the time is not right (like it’s the match point of the tournament), say it clear, but for God’s sake, DON’T pretend.

#2 Lie by omission Not a plain lie. You only “forget” to mention something to avoid troubles and complications.

What you can say: “I didn’t mention it so that you didn’t worry.” (though it won’t work about a lunch with your ex).
What you should do: replace the “Oh ! Didn’t I tell you about it?” by “I forgot to tell you about it”. Not that she will believe you, but, at least, she will understand you don’t take her for a stupid.

#3 Use her as your personal agenda and rely on her to remind you of your next appointment at the dentist’s, your sister’s birthday, and even what you had for dinner last night.

What you can say: Nothing. You’ve forgotten anyway… :(
What you should do: Good news! It is the right time and excuse to buy that wonderful smart phone. “I don’t want to bother you any more with my questions about my schedule. I shall buy it to scrupulously note all I’ve got to do every day”. :b

#4 Don’t pull the toilet lid down A classic. I had to mention this one!

What you can say: “At least, it is an evidence I pulled it up”
What you should do: Promise right away you won’t do it again (even if you say it every time), then grab a felt-pen and write in big letters: “don’t forget to pull me down” under the lid.

#5 Never share anything about your phone calls when she always does, and in detail. Even worse if you left the room to answer. Expect a flow of questions.

What you can say: “It was not important” (it could worsen things though)
What you should do: What she does. Explain. “It was Mike. He lost his car keys in the gutter! Darn Mike!”

#6 Leave empty packaging in the fridge all the empty or almost empty soda and beer cans, milk bottles, yoghurt packaging, etc… you religiously put back into the fridge instead of drop them into the trash can next to it (works with empty bottles of shampoo, shower gel, etc… as well).

What you can say: “Oops! How absent-minded I can be sometimes !”
What you should do: Help her put the items into the fridge, unpack as many as possible and don’t feel guilty to throw those two remaining sips of beer to the trash.

#7 Be dying when you’ve caught a cold The smallest cold keeps you stuck in bed, unable to do anything (well, maybe just a little video game, not more). She must call the doctor on emergency, run to the pharmacist’s, play the nurse, etc… No great deal. Just women fail to understand the gap between the reality: a simple cold and your behaviour: I’m dying.

What you can say: “Darling, I love when you take care of me like this. Thank you.”
What you should do: What about your pride and ego? Move your butt, take an aspirin and show what you’re capable of!

#8 Don’t bother with the house chores Men and women are equal, that’s the law. You were not aware though it applied to house chores. Unfortunately she understands it this way. No doubt you’re of good will, but truly, this is beyond your strength. Plus, she’s never satisfied, so better let her take care of them from A to Z (beside taking the trash out, a manly task).

What you can say: “You never showed me how to do it” (although chances are she will answer: “I’m not your mother”)
What you should do: Equally share the chores, play some uplifting CD and do them together. Much easier and more fun. :)

#9 The choice of the TV program A major issue. Rule #1: NEVER switch channels without warning. Particularly when she’s watching for the 50th time the same episode of Sex and the City. Are you crazy??? You’ve missed 3 football games in a row, so what?

What you can say: “But you’ve already watched this episode 50 times!”
What you should do: Buy a second TV. :)

#10 Leave the toothpaste tube open The paste dries, the hole is blocked up and the whole stuff soon ends in the bin. Moreover, caps on the basin are not the most decorative.

What you can say: “it’s not me, it’s the cat”
What you should do: change toothpaste and choose a tube with a cap connected to the top. Much more difficult to lose at least.

Bonus:
A few sentences she doesn’t want to hear any more
– Er…. My mother doesn’t do it this way
– Ah? Didn’t I tell you about it ?
– What’s for dinner?
– I don’t know how to do it
– I’d rather drive
– Where are my socks (tee-shirts, pants, etc…) ?

Anything else you can think of, ladies? :)

10 good ways to upset your man

#1 Vacuum-cleaning the room when he’s watching TV
His thought:
“Gee! a stain never killed anybody ! She could do that tomorrow!”

Conclusion:
It is all about making him feel guilty. When he only thinks of resting, you feel a sudden urge to do the clean up. Hey ! He’s right: you can wait and take a rest with him.

#2 Constantly complaining when he is watching a football match
His thought:
“Can’t she shut up ? If she doesn’t like football, she could have organized a night out with her friends.”

Conclusion:
If you don’t like football, organize something with your friends or go to your room with a good book. He, too, is entitled to his fun time and personal passions, even though you may not share them.

#3 Asking him “darling, do you love me?” around midnight after a nice evening out
His thought:
“Gosh ! Why does she always ask that kind of question so late at night?”

Conclusion:
Why not ask and discuss it? Not anywhere, any time though. You’re spoiling his night, he will wonder what went wrong when all was so good, and find it unpleasant he has to reassure you when apparently nothing should make you doubt. If you want to learn more about his feelings for you, pick a better time.

#4 Systematically double-checking what he has done when he gives a hand
His thought:
“Her way looks the only right way, I wish she could loosen up once in a while.”

Conclusion:
If you seek to discourage him, that’s the way. You act like a mother, making him feel like an incompetent child. Don’t complain then that he never takes any initiative. He may do things differently. So what? At least, they’re done, aren’t they?

#5 Being too curious and inquisitive, asking tons of questions
His thought:
“Why for God’s sake does she want to know all about everything?”

Conclusion:
If you want to know everything, you eventually will and may not like it. So, don’t search his cell and pockets, respect his personal space and mind your own business, it can only improve your relationship.

#6 Giving him lessons and unwanted advice
His thought:
“I’m not with her to hear the same things my mother used to tell me.”

Conclusion:
If he asked nothing, there is no reason for you to tell him what to do and how. When you constantly treat a man this way, he soon fades and loses his self-confidence. Is that what you want?

#7 Acting clingy
His thought:
“Arghhhh ! If only I could have the house for myself alone, just one week-end, please!”

Conclusion:
A smothering women shows how affectively dependant she is. She gives too much, he will feel he will have to give back, unfortunately not spontaneously. He will soon feel trapped. Leave him alone, don’t harass him. Remember a couple is 1+1=3.

#8 Your mood swings
His thought:
“What did I say? What did I do wrong? She looked so happy this morning !???”

Conclusion:
Men can find mood swings typically feminine, thus charming. They show your vulnerability and how much you need him. Know your limits though. If you’re constantly aggressive, he will soon find it hard to bear. Better then warn him, get a bit of alone time in another room and come back when you feel better.

#9 Taking ages to get ready
His thought:
“We’ll be late or the latest ones to arrive (once again!!!).”

Conclusion:
So much of a woman! Men can understand and even smile at it. But too much is too much. If you need 2 hours to get ready, get organized and don’t wait for the last minute.

#10 Criticizing his mother
His thought:
“Why do you have all it against her? She does nothing to upset YOU!”

Conclusion:
He will remain his son and will forever love her. HE can criticize her, you can’t. Stay quiet. Sure, she’s not perfect. You’re not either, even if she sometimes over steps some of your limits.

Guys, anything you wish to add to the list? :)

Completely honest first date

A bit cynical, but… isn’t there a bit of truth in it ?

Your thoughts ?

10 red flags not to ignore if you seek a real relationship

Love is blind. Though a good policy could be not to ignore the following red flags if you want a real relationship. Unless you seek to end with a broken heart, having invested so much of yourself in a dead-end.
Yes, you’re a couple. Particularly you. Because as for him…

He has not left his wife yet: he says he loves you, he will talk to her as soon as possible. The issue is the time never seems right, some event always gets in the way. Married men who leave their wife for their mistress are one in a zillion. You can always hope he is that one. Although, when they do, they usually don’t think much about it. It doesn’t take ages for them to make that decision. If it does, better move on…

You’ve never been to his place : you’re not even sure where he lives. At any rate, you don’t know his exact address. Every time you meet up, it is outside, at a bar, a restaurant, a party, at the very best at friends’. Clear enough he’s not that enthusiastic about having you in his personal space.

You know nothing about his past: whatever the question and how innocent it may be, his answer remains vague, if he answers at all. You barely know where he comes from, about his family and friends, nothing about his exes… Either he argues he’d rather not talk about it in such a way you would feel rude to insist, or he would give no clear straight answer.

He is not curious about your friends and family: he’s never available when it comes to meet them. Actually he couldn’t care less. So less that your friends and family are beginning to wonder if he really exists.

He sets dates only when it suits him: and at the less convenient times for you. You are the one who adapts her schedule to his. Instead of thinking hard about all his good reasons, better wonder about your place in his life. The room he manages to make for you in his agenda is usually equal to the room you take in his heart.

He’s not that interested in you: he asks no question. Would you talk about any particular event happening in your life, be it at work or wherever else, he doesn’t really pay attention, often soon forgets about it. If you insist, he looks somewhat bored and answers something like “it’s your life”, which, by the way, should be clear enough, to say the least.

You have no clear idea of his schedule: if you learn about any of his activities (without you), it is only by chance. This is how you find out he had a boys’ night out last Wednesday, or he took his Friday off to go on a hike. Clear enough he’d rather have some time without you and you don’t need to know about it.

When he answers the phone: he always steps away from you. Not that there is any other woman in the picture (I bet you’ve checked his cell), he’d just rather nobody know he is in a relationship with you. By the way, he never mentions your name, he would rather say “I’m busy, I can’t talk to you now, I shall call you back later”.

You never go out together: none of what you would suggest ever appeals to him. Movies? Not too much… Concert? No, thank you, you would have to book seats in advance. Restaurant? Oh, for God’s sake, he goes often enough for business! Clearly, he’s not keen on being seen with you. He didn’t even take you to his best friend’s wedding!

He has already organised his holidays without you: next Summer, he will go camping with his buddies. You? Heck, do whatever you like, you’re a big girl, after all!
And you thought you could both go to that nice hotel on the beach for a fortnight? Well, it looks very much you’ll have to go with your best girlfriend or… another man!

Unsure what to say and do on a first date? Here is the solution

Going on a blind date tonight and scared you may find nothing interesting to say or not know what to do? Relax! Technology is there to help you turn the nightmare into a dream. ;)

Travel Conversacube from Lauren McCarthy on Vimeo.

Have we become so dependant on technology? Or so unable to properly communicate? What do you think?

He doesn’t call after a date: what does it mean and what to do?

wating for call

Nothing more convincing, in my opinion, than an honest, since anonymous, answer from the concerned party. So I posted a little survey on the topic a few days ago.
Please check:
https://relationshiptranslator.wordpress.com/2011/02/04/to-all-the-men-out-there/
to see the results.
I guess they speak loud enough, don’t they ?

When men don’t call back after a date, 62.5% of the time, it is simply because they’re not into you. Period.
You may think the date went great, you may like him very much and entertain the romantic thought he reciprocates, the truth is, this time, he doesn’t.

It doesn’t mean he didn’t enjoy that time with you at all, just not enough to feel like going further.
Many possible reasons to that, among the most common, in no particular order :
– his fear of involvement
– he was just looking for a good time and a pleasant evening
– he just wanted to test his power of seduction
– you’re not his type
– he was only physically attracted to you
– you may have talked a bit too much about your ex and he felt he already had a rival in the place
– he wants to keep it casual and fears you may take it too seriously

At any rate, he’s not ready for a relationship and particularly not a relationship with you.

Of course, as women, since we like to communicate, we would appreciate to clearly know where we stand. Unfortunately, very few men function this way. They seldom bother with women they’re not interested in. Whilst a few would be polite enough to let you know they’d rather stop here or what they exactly seek, the majority wouldn’t. Yes, it is rude, better face that reality though.

No, he didn’t get hit by a truck. The chances he’s at the hospital, his old mother has just passed away or his cell phone has broken down just now are close to nought.

Yet remain the 12.5% who don’t call back for fear of rejection. About one out of 10, not the most common. So, please, don’t jump to the conclusion it is often the case.
Maybe you weren’t clear enough, didn’t show your interest enough and didn’t let the green light flash enough ? At any rate, he’s not quite sure of what you feel. He’s hesitating and will not call right away. He doesn’t want you to believe he’s into you (although he may be). Because while you’re already mentally planning the next dream date, he is there wondering what to do not to look hooked or too easy.

So what to do if he doesn’t call ?

Here is an excerpt from one of the men’s comment on my poll:
“if your date doesn’t call you back in two or more days, that means something went wrong (even if you thought that was an amazing one). So just an idea for all the ladies, it would be to set up a “deadline”. Let say “three days max”. If your date hasn’t called you back in that period of time, it means he’s not interested in you at all (whatever the reason he could/would/should think, feel or argue).”

It sounds honest and clear enough, doesn’t it ?

Don’t sit next to your telephone, biting your nails. Live your life and don’t invest too much of yourself too soon.
As suggested in the comment, set a dead line and stick to it. If he hasn’t called you within 2 or 3 days, better forget about him. Because, even though he may not want to look too enthusiastic for strategic reasons, if he really likes you, he won’t let a month go by before he calls you back. He is usually aware of how risky it can be, particularly if he got smitten.

If it can help you move on and only if you feel it is truly necessary to your well-being, try to call him, within a week or so, under any excuse.
Although to call a man who didn’t call you back is seldom a good idea and may not teach you anything you didn’t already know, you’ll have made things clear enough and will have removed all doubt he is not worth it and not the one for you for any of the above mentioned reasons.

Then, move on ! Plenty of fish in the sea and if this one was not attracted to you or not right for you, many others will be. :)