A French woman and personal life coach's outlook on self-confidence, communication, and relationships. How to gain and manage them to get what and who you deserve.

Posts tagged ‘women’

If I were a man…

I could never be pregnant.
I could wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
I could even wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics would tell me the truth.
The world would be my urinal.
I wouldn’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
SAME WORK, MORE PAY.
Wrinkles would add character.
Chocolate would be yet another snack.
Men would never stare at my chest when I’m talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch would be practically expected.
New shoes wouldn’t cut, blister, or mangle my feet.
Phone conversations would be over in 30 seconds flat.
I would know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation would require only one suitcase.
I could open all my own jars.
My underwear would be $8.95 for a three-pack.
I would almost never have strap problems in public.
I would be unable to see wrinkles in my clothes.
Three pairs of shoes would be more than enough.
I could play with toys all my life.
I could wear shorts no matter how my legs look.
I could “do” my nails with a pocket knife.
My belly could hide my big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes ; one color for all seasons.
I would only have to shave my face and neck.
And I would even have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
I would get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness…

And probably much more…
What else? :)

10 good ways to upset your man

#1 Vacuum-cleaning the room when he’s watching TV
His thought:
“Gee! a stain never killed anybody ! She could do that tomorrow!”

Conclusion:
It is all about making him feel guilty. When he only thinks of resting, you feel a sudden urge to do the clean up. Hey ! He’s right: you can wait and take a rest with him.

#2 Constantly complaining when he is watching a football match
His thought:
“Can’t she shut up ? If she doesn’t like football, she could have organized a night out with her friends.”

Conclusion:
If you don’t like football, organize something with your friends or go to your room with a good book. He, too, is entitled to his fun time and personal passions, even though you may not share them.

#3 Asking him “darling, do you love me?” around midnight after a nice evening out
His thought:
“Gosh ! Why does she always ask that kind of question so late at night?”

Conclusion:
Why not ask and discuss it? Not anywhere, any time though. You’re spoiling his night, he will wonder what went wrong when all was so good, and find it unpleasant he has to reassure you when apparently nothing should make you doubt. If you want to learn more about his feelings for you, pick a better time.

#4 Systematically double-checking what he has done when he gives a hand
His thought:
“Her way looks the only right way, I wish she could loosen up once in a while.”

Conclusion:
If you seek to discourage him, that’s the way. You act like a mother, making him feel like an incompetent child. Don’t complain then that he never takes any initiative. He may do things differently. So what? At least, they’re done, aren’t they?

#5 Being too curious and inquisitive, asking tons of questions
His thought:
“Why for God’s sake does she want to know all about everything?”

Conclusion:
If you want to know everything, you eventually will and may not like it. So, don’t search his cell and pockets, respect his personal space and mind your own business, it can only improve your relationship.

#6 Giving him lessons and unwanted advice
His thought:
“I’m not with her to hear the same things my mother used to tell me.”

Conclusion:
If he asked nothing, there is no reason for you to tell him what to do and how. When you constantly treat a man this way, he soon fades and loses his self-confidence. Is that what you want?

#7 Acting clingy
His thought:
“Arghhhh ! If only I could have the house for myself alone, just one week-end, please!”

Conclusion:
A smothering women shows how affectively dependant she is. She gives too much, he will feel he will have to give back, unfortunately not spontaneously. He will soon feel trapped. Leave him alone, don’t harass him. Remember a couple is 1+1=3.

#8 Your mood swings
His thought:
“What did I say? What did I do wrong? She looked so happy this morning !???”

Conclusion:
Men can find mood swings typically feminine, thus charming. They show your vulnerability and how much you need him. Know your limits though. If you’re constantly aggressive, he will soon find it hard to bear. Better then warn him, get a bit of alone time in another room and come back when you feel better.

#9 Taking ages to get ready
His thought:
“We’ll be late or the latest ones to arrive (once again!!!).”

Conclusion:
So much of a woman! Men can understand and even smile at it. But too much is too much. If you need 2 hours to get ready, get organized and don’t wait for the last minute.

#10 Criticizing his mother
His thought:
“Why do you have all it against her? She does nothing to upset YOU!”

Conclusion:
He will remain his son and will forever love her. HE can criticize her, you can’t. Stay quiet. Sure, she’s not perfect. You’re not either, even if she sometimes over steps some of your limits.

Guys, anything you wish to add to the list? :)

He doesn’t call after a date: what does it mean and what to do?

wating for call

Nothing more convincing, in my opinion, than an honest, since anonymous, answer from the concerned party. So I posted a little survey on the topic a few days ago.
Please check:
https://relationshiptranslator.wordpress.com/2011/02/04/to-all-the-men-out-there/
to see the results.
I guess they speak loud enough, don’t they ?

When men don’t call back after a date, 62.5% of the time, it is simply because they’re not into you. Period.
You may think the date went great, you may like him very much and entertain the romantic thought he reciprocates, the truth is, this time, he doesn’t.

It doesn’t mean he didn’t enjoy that time with you at all, just not enough to feel like going further.
Many possible reasons to that, among the most common, in no particular order :
– his fear of involvement
– he was just looking for a good time and a pleasant evening
– he just wanted to test his power of seduction
– you’re not his type
– he was only physically attracted to you
– you may have talked a bit too much about your ex and he felt he already had a rival in the place
– he wants to keep it casual and fears you may take it too seriously

At any rate, he’s not ready for a relationship and particularly not a relationship with you.

Of course, as women, since we like to communicate, we would appreciate to clearly know where we stand. Unfortunately, very few men function this way. They seldom bother with women they’re not interested in. Whilst a few would be polite enough to let you know they’d rather stop here or what they exactly seek, the majority wouldn’t. Yes, it is rude, better face that reality though.

No, he didn’t get hit by a truck. The chances he’s at the hospital, his old mother has just passed away or his cell phone has broken down just now are close to nought.

Yet remain the 12.5% who don’t call back for fear of rejection. About one out of 10, not the most common. So, please, don’t jump to the conclusion it is often the case.
Maybe you weren’t clear enough, didn’t show your interest enough and didn’t let the green light flash enough ? At any rate, he’s not quite sure of what you feel. He’s hesitating and will not call right away. He doesn’t want you to believe he’s into you (although he may be). Because while you’re already mentally planning the next dream date, he is there wondering what to do not to look hooked or too easy.

So what to do if he doesn’t call ?

Here is an excerpt from one of the men’s comment on my poll:
“if your date doesn’t call you back in two or more days, that means something went wrong (even if you thought that was an amazing one). So just an idea for all the ladies, it would be to set up a “deadline”. Let say “three days max”. If your date hasn’t called you back in that period of time, it means he’s not interested in you at all (whatever the reason he could/would/should think, feel or argue).”

It sounds honest and clear enough, doesn’t it ?

Don’t sit next to your telephone, biting your nails. Live your life and don’t invest too much of yourself too soon.
As suggested in the comment, set a dead line and stick to it. If he hasn’t called you within 2 or 3 days, better forget about him. Because, even though he may not want to look too enthusiastic for strategic reasons, if he really likes you, he won’t let a month go by before he calls you back. He is usually aware of how risky it can be, particularly if he got smitten.

If it can help you move on and only if you feel it is truly necessary to your well-being, try to call him, within a week or so, under any excuse.
Although to call a man who didn’t call you back is seldom a good idea and may not teach you anything you didn’t already know, you’ll have made things clear enough and will have removed all doubt he is not worth it and not the one for you for any of the above mentioned reasons.

Then, move on ! Plenty of fish in the sea and if this one was not attracted to you or not right for you, many others will be. :)

Why men fear to hear women’s stories of emotional and physical abuse? A man answers

Many men have a hard time coping with women’s stories of emotional and physical abuse, even though the woman herself may have quite overcome them. Although overcome, those are things your partner should know about, shouldn’t he?
Alas, many can’t cope with that. They would either try to minimize it, rationalize it, or simply refuse to hear at all.
Why is that? I’ve asked dozens of them the question. I could never get a 100% satisfying clear answer.
Till a few days ago…

“Dot, that’s a very strong question. It really delves deep into what we all want in our ideal relationship: to be vulnerable to the degree of almost feeling naked emotionally, and just be accepted, loved, and maybe told that tomorrow will always be better than today because it has to be; all without feeling judged or shut out. It’s a tough thing to ask of many guys, as you’ve noticed, because most are not equipped emotionally to deal with something that sensitive. I agree with your later analysis about men being fixers. It is traditionally the role of a man to put a bandage on your physical wounds, but your emotional ones? That’s tricky. I don’t believe many men understand how just listening to a woman’s story and hugging her while telling her he loves her can truly help. It may not be a bandage for that emotional wound, and surely won’t fix anything, but it’s empowering for the soul. I think most men who rationalize, minimize, or plainly ignore the issue just don’t want to admit that there is no tool in their tool belt that has equipped them for tackling it. I’d liken it to that half-built project car in their garage that just never seems to get done. They’ve just hit a point where they just don’t know what to do and asking for help or direction seems more painful than just ignoring it.

So, what to do with them? There’s not much you can. Most of these guys are the same type who are unwilling to go to counseling regardless how dire the situation. While some may step up and decide they’d like to learn how to communicate emotionally to better support their partner, it’s asking a lot of someone when you’re entering the relationship, especially since you’re not going to reveal such things until you get to a more meaningful point in a relationship. You need to seek out men who can communicate emotionally and are open to working on communication in general. Realistically, this sounds like it should be at the top of every woman’s wish list, but frankly a great deal of women confuse men who are physically and mentally “tough” as being equally strong with their emotions, or just don’t delve deep enough into the man they’re dating before taking him home only to realize later that, uh oh, he’s like a deer in the headlights when it comes to deeper emotions.”

Mind you, Dave is only 25. According to me, he has already understood more than any older man I’ve met or, at the very least, could show more honesty, clarity and self-awareness.

Just being able to admit “I don’t know what to do”, stay there nonetheless, can be a bandage in itself and immensely help a woman, me think. And, indeed, it requires lots of integrity and real strength for a man to do that.

Thanks again, Dave. It felt really good to read what you wrote, that’s why I wanted to share. I hope your answer will help others as it has me. :)

Any thoughts ?

The 3 keys to make him treat you like a lady

OK, you’re a self-confident, self-sufficient, successful woman. Yet you would really like men to treat you like the lady you are and be more considerate at times, wouldn’t you?
Good news, this is not that difficult. :)
You just need to understand a few simple rules and apply them. You’ll be surprised to see that not only do they work, but they will also lead the man to give you more than you expected.

kiss on the hand

Let him come to you and take the main initiatives.
Because you know what you want and can see the solution long before it comes to his mind, you may be very tempted to take the first step, give unwanted advice or even worse, do things yourself. Don’t !!
Show your openness, give hints about what you would like, make suggestions, but let him act. Be patient. :)
Leave him enough room to show what he’s capable of before you intervene. He must feel HE took every step and is in control, not you.
I don’t mean : “be a doormat” :D Take initiatives, just the right ones at the right moment, which will help him and show him you’re not stupid and can be resourceful when needed.

Let him subtly understand what you expect from him.
On that purpose, behave like a lady. :) Give him opportunities and don’t cut the ground from down his feet. You want an attentive escort, so let him serve you.
I’ve never dated any man who wouldn’t open doors and car doors for me, spontaneously lend me his jacket when I was cold, go and get me something I needed, make compliments, and not only on my appearance, etc… Simply, don’t do it before he does and you’ll get it. :D

Act simply and naturally, be sincerely nice, feminine, fun, show your appreciation with a gracious smile, thank him and that’s all.
Why try to impress him anyway ? He will be enough. Self-confidence and personality show through no matter what. He will appreciate you didn’t throw your outstanding skills and achievements right to his face on top. :)

Never give him more than he has given you.
Of course, be nice and reasonably considerate, subtly entice him, show genuine interest by listening and asking intelligent questions. Don’t talk too much about yourself though. He will realize soon enough what an amazing woman you are and will then appreciate your discretion. Plus your reserve will tickle his curiosity, you will entertain that essential part of mystery which will keep him interested in you.
You deserve consideration, you’ve given him your attention, his turn now.
You may expect your thoughtful remarks and gestures will eventually touch him and he will realize how lucky he is to have met you. That would be a mistake. he would think you’re satisfied, when you aren’t. Therefore, as long as he has actually done nothing specific for you, you shouldn’t do too much, if ever, for him.
If he doesn’t respond or give back, send him straight to the discard pile : either he totally lacks empathy or he doesn’t care about you enough. At any rate, he’s not a good catch. His loss, not yours…

All that may sound awfully old-fashioned, you must remember though that most men actually ARE old-fashioned on that matter. :D
They struggle enough with feminism, they’ve lost their marks and are not sure any more of how to behave and what to do. Don’t compete, give him a chance to take care of you instead.
In that context is the old-fashioned way is the most efficient : make him feel like a gentleman so that he can treat you like a lady. :)