#1 Don’t listen Unfortunately, she will soon realize she’s talking to a wall when your answer will not match what she says. “I’ve slept with your best friend”. “That’s perfect, honey” is not the expected answer.
What you can say:
“Sorry, darling, I was lost in my thoughts. What were you saying, please?” to show your lack of attention was not at all intentional. :b
What you should do:
LISTEN. If the time is not right (like it’s the match point of the tournament), say it clear, but for God’s sake, DON’T pretend.
#2 Lie by omission Not a plain lie. You only “forget” to mention something to avoid troubles and complications.
What you can say: “I didn’t mention it so that you didn’t worry.” (though it won’t work about a lunch with your ex).
What you should do: replace the “Oh ! Didn’t I tell you about it?” by “I forgot to tell you about it”. Not that she will believe you, but, at least, she will understand you don’t take her for a stupid.
#3 Use her as your personal agenda and rely on her to remind you of your next appointment at the dentist’s, your sister’s birthday, and even what you had for dinner last night.
What you can say: Nothing. You’ve forgotten anyway… :(
What you should do: Good news! It is the right time and excuse to buy that wonderful smart phone. “I don’t want to bother you any more with my questions about my schedule. I shall buy it to scrupulously note all I’ve got to do every day”. :b
#4 Don’t pull the toilet lid down A classic. I had to mention this one!
What you can say: “At least, it is an evidence I pulled it up”
What you should do: Promise right away you won’t do it again (even if you say it every time), then grab a felt-pen and write in big letters: “don’t forget to pull me down” under the lid.
#5 Never share anything about your phone calls when she always does, and in detail. Even worse if you left the room to answer. Expect a flow of questions.
What you can say: “It was not important” (it could worsen things though)
What you should do: What she does. Explain. “It was Mike. He lost his car keys in the gutter! Darn Mike!”
#6 Leave empty packaging in the fridge all the empty or almost empty soda and beer cans, milk bottles, yoghurt packaging, etc… you religiously put back into the fridge instead of drop them into the trash can next to it (works with empty bottles of shampoo, shower gel, etc… as well).
What you can say: “Oops! How absent-minded I can be sometimes !”
What you should do: Help her put the items into the fridge, unpack as many as possible and don’t feel guilty to throw those two remaining sips of beer to the trash.
#7 Be dying when you’ve caught a cold The smallest cold keeps you stuck in bed, unable to do anything (well, maybe just a little video game, not more). She must call the doctor on emergency, run to the pharmacist’s, play the nurse, etc… No great deal. Just women fail to understand the gap between the reality: a simple cold and your behaviour: I’m dying.
What you can say: “Darling, I love when you take care of me like this. Thank you.”
What you should do: What about your pride and ego? Move your butt, take an aspirin and show what you’re capable of!
#8 Don’t bother with the house chores Men and women are equal, that’s the law. You were not aware though it applied to house chores. Unfortunately she understands it this way. No doubt you’re of good will, but truly, this is beyond your strength. Plus, she’s never satisfied, so better let her take care of them from A to Z (beside taking the trash out, a manly task).
What you can say: “You never showed me how to do it” (although chances are she will answer: “I’m not your mother”)
What you should do: Equally share the chores, play some uplifting CD and do them together. Much easier and more fun. :)
#9 The choice of the TV program A major issue. Rule #1: NEVER switch channels without warning. Particularly when she’s watching for the 50th time the same episode of Sex and the City. Are you crazy??? You’ve missed 3 football games in a row, so what?
What you can say: “But you’ve already watched this episode 50 times!”
What you should do: Buy a second TV. :)
#10 Leave the toothpaste tube open The paste dries, the hole is blocked up and the whole stuff soon ends in the bin. Moreover, caps on the basin are not the most decorative.
What you can say: “it’s not me, it’s the cat”
What you should do: change toothpaste and choose a tube with a cap connected to the top. Much more difficult to lose at least.
A few sentences she doesn’t want to hear any more
- Er…. My mother doesn’t do it this way
- Ah? Didn’t I tell you about it ?
- What’s for dinner?
- I don’t know how to do it
- I’d rather drive
- Where are my socks (tee-shirts, pants, etc…) ?
Anything else you can think of, ladies? :)